My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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