I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
