I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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