My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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