I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
