So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
