Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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