I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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