At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
