well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We had to coat check the pizza.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
