One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
