So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
