we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
