I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
