I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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