Are we in a gay sports bar?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
