Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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