i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
it's not cheating when I paid for it
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
