Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
