He uses pillows to masturbate.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
