New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
