apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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