Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
