Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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