remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
