i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
