My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
