Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Randomize
