My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
50% drunk capacity currently
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
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