i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have aggressive nipples.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize