he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sorry about my life...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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