I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
