cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
