I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
