My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
