I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
