I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
