just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
