So drunk, too bad you don't want this
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
