apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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