I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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