Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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