I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
