Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Randomize
