I cannot find my penis.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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