dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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