what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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