That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!