woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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