i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
