soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
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You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
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I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.