you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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