i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.