Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.