you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
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Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
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Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room