just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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