Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
