my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
That's how pantless uber rides happen
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
