Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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