You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
