I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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