I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
