seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
