He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
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