No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
