I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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