Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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