we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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