Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Where is the hickey?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
