the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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