youre lurking in front of me
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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