i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just forgot I was standing up.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
