Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
you never un-have a 4some
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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