does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
