now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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