Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
