i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
