Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
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The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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