Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
