Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Randomize
