Soap is not a condiment
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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