Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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