I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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