What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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